So I've decided that I want to blog about this.  It seemed like a better idea before I actually started typing just now.  I've decided that I want to switch universities, and I want to share the process.
The reason why this is such a big deal is because, well, basically....everyone thinks I'm joining a cult. There I've said it.
    
I'm not finding what I need at the University of Alaska, or in Alaska in general.  I thought I would find complete freedom, I thought I would find open minds, but frankly, I've only found half of freedom and nothing but completely closed minds fully set in their ways.
    
Don't get me wrong, Alaska is beautiful, the people are beautiful in their own way.  Alaska has given me everything I need to be confident enough to take this next step in the journey, but I feel like I need to grow in a different way on my own in order to come back and fully appreciate everything Alaska has to offer....I'm not done with this beautiful place by a long shot!

I just want a new adventure, a different sense of freedom: a mental freedom rather than a physical one.  Being able to hike anywhere and everywhere is such a privilege when coming from the overly urban city life of San Diego.  But I'm slowly finding that that sense of physical freedom is simply not enough for me when I feel trapped and caged in my own body and mind.  Any time I open my mouth I get called a "hippy" and shot down.  Sometimes I just want to have an intellectual conversation that may seem abstract, that doesn't make me a hippy.  Sometimes I want to scream, "all I'm doing is asking you to just THINK for once in your life!  just use your brain!  stop seeing the basics!  THINK!"  And so in a sense, while I am more free than I had ever been in San Diego, I am still just as trapped.
  
Thus the change in scenery, change in pace, change in universities.
  
Yesterday I went through the "extremely happy/overly excited" phase of deciding to make a change in your life.  Today, I'm going through the "oh shit, is this really the right choice?" phase.  I feel sick to my stomach.  I'm terrified this isn't going to be as good as I want it to be.  I'm terrified it won't meet my expectations.  How am I supposed to deal with that?